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Tuesday, January 18, 2005

Evolution v. Intelligent Design v. Enchilada Casserole

As if the current resident of 1600 Pennsylvania Ave weren't enough shame for one country, we've this new-old "debate" raging. If I had anything original to say about how lame this is, well, dagnabit, I would. Instead I'll just suggest we should fight fire with fire (hold the brimstone): counter sue. Yeppers, let's require stickers to be placed in all bibles that are in public holdings such as libraries and schools (those receiving any government funds).

Caution: The text you're about to read, the Bible, is just a theory, and not a very good one: so far no one has ever reproduced many of the results described herein, including: arising from the dead after three days and the fashioning of living creatures from mud (or ribs).  As a result use with caution; literal belief in the contents of the book you're about to enjoy may make you stupid and tedious.The sticker should merely explain how this "god-bullshit" (to quote Howard Beale) is just a theory, and not a very predictive, testable, or reproducible one: so far no one has actually ever arisen from the dead after three days nor fashioned a living being from mud or ribs (mmmmmm, ribs). So, "use with caution, literal belief in the contents of the book you're about to enjoy may make you stupid" (ala the [annoying, lawyer-driven] McDonald's coffee cup route, "the beverage you're about to enjoy is extremely hot").

Now, I'm not demanding or even suggesting that it be placed in folks' personal copies of the Good Book, just all publicly purchased or held ones (hmmm, just wondering, but did god ever go on a book-signing tour, and if so, does anyone have a Holy Scripture inscribed with a personal dedication like "To Joan, Keep away from the pool boy and return the $35. Yours always (and always and always, etc.), - God")

Perhaps there is a legitimate need here. Perhaps a labeling system devised along the lines of the corrosive materials icons on the backs of trucks is valuable. Maybe not.

Just a thought.

Everyone has the right to be an idiot (me? eight times a day when I was young, but now only once or twice max), it's just this celebrating anti-lectualism is tiresome. Great, W! doesn't read books and all presidential briefings are now translated into flip-books, but c'mon, folks, stop with the "tyranny of the masses" bit. We got the message. Enjoy your majority, enjoy your church potlucks (I was quite fond of my Sunday school teacher's enchilada casserole made with Dorritos and loads of sour cream-- really, really good), take the exemption from the IRS, but give it a rest when it comes to spreading "the good word". Amen.

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Text of Cobb County Board of Education's Sticker

"This textbook contains material on evolution. Evolution is a theory, not a fact, regarding the origin of living things. This material should be approached with an open mind, studied carefully, and critically considered."

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See Also

Flying Spaghetti Monster Appears in Coffee Froth (plus Manga/Anime version of Him/Her?) photos of FSM as he appeared to me, in my coffee. No, really. How rude, it did happen, you can't fake photos, heretic.

Flying Spaghetti Monster Coloring and Activity Book

Flying Spaghetti Monster Valentine's Day Cards print 'em and trade with your "friends".

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